I like horror movies, which have an even lower rate of awesomeness than other genres. (Really? Blogger tells me that "Netflix" isn't a word, but "awesomeness" is?!) So I'm well prepared for most of the horror flicks I watch on Netflix (it is too a word, dammit!) to be a miss, but even so. I wasn't prepared for "Exorcismus" which by the way I'm not even sure how to pronounce. The first two pages of reviews on Netflix (YES IT IS!) were all positive so I stopped reading them, and pressed play.
Gag me with a spoon.
I wrote my first ever review on Netflix to try to counteract the awful good reviews there... then I found out reviews there have to be under 2000 characters. So I chopped up my review to make it fit. Now I get to post it here, where likely no one will ever read it but I will have had the satisfaction of posting the entire thing. Here goes:
I have never written a movie review before but for this, I had to, because the reviews on this movie are overwhelmingly positive. And they shouldn't be. Many of the reviewers say that if you don't like it, it's because you were expecting The Exorcist, or at least comparing this movie to that. I wasn't. This movie sucked all on it's own, without needing to be compared to any other movie.
The acting from the main actress is boring - everything is monotone; she has very little inflection in her voice. The other actors are generally alright, but no one stands out or is especially believable.
The characters themselves are unbelievable. Yeah, your teenage daughter attempts to drown your little boy and you don't at the very least remove one of them from the home? That's just one example of the many "Yeah right!" moments in this movie.
The plot is... tired, at best. I'm amazed to see so many reviews talking about how "original" and "new" the plot is. Um, it's not. Unless you yourself are the same age as the lead character. The plot is a reused version of just about every other exorcism-style movie out there, up until the "twist" which itself is laughable and not worth two wasted hours. Want to know what happens without wasting your time? Here goes!
Emma was mad at Mummy for slapping her when she came home drunk one late night; so she purposely invoked the devil, telling him she wanted to be free of her family. One by one, she eventually causes the deaths of everyone she "loves" - except Mummy, who gets the privilege of only being driven insane by the knowledge that her daughter did this all on purpose. The other "twist" is supposed to be that the priest - her uncle - purposely gave her the information needed to invoke the devil, in the hopes that she would, so he could film it and prove the existence of said devil. Honestly, this "twist" feels more like an offering to the viewer to hate the priest instead of the spoiled, selfish little girl who invoked the devil on purpose to help her be freed from her family (because she wanted to go to a regular school, and they said Not until next year). But, um... how does she get to be pardoned of blame just because Uncle Priest told her how to draw a pentagram (yeah, I'm serious - they make use of not only a pentagram but also a Ouija board, hence the tired plot); in my view she's still the guilty party.
I love horror films not only for the fright factor but also because many times they are disturbing and offer at least some food for thought. This movie was not frightening, suspenseful or disturbing in the slightest. It also was not thoughtful - not that I require a horror movie to be thoughtful. Through the whole movie I was vaguely irritated by how spoiled, uninteresting and unsympathetic the lead character was. Turns out, that was apparently the whole point - except they even disregard that possibility by attempting to make her seem heroic at the end - she is not. This movie was not worth watching.
There. I feel a little better.
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