Today I have been reading about Jamey Rodemeyer. I never heard of the kid before today. He committed suicide this month after enduring more than a year of severe bullying at school and online. He was fourteen.
After reading the article about it, my eye wandered down to some of the comments. And I was dismayed to find many comments basically arguing that if he was being bullied online... well, he should have stopped going online!
Many kids in difficult situations go online to find support, help, and other resources. There are great resources online for kids coming to terms with their sexuality. Unfortunately, his classmates found him online and bullied him there too, via social networking websites. They left comments like, "JAMIE IS STUPID, GAY, FAT ANND [sic] UGLY. HE MUST DIE!"
Should a kid stop going online because the bullies attack him there? Should he also stop going to school, then, since he is also bullied there? Does that make sense? Doesn't it make more sense to simply hold kids to a higher standard of behavior?
School should be a safe place for our kids. Bullying should not be tolerated. Bullying is not simply an issue of “kids will be kids.” Some used to say that rape was an issue of “boys will be boys!” and if a girl was in the wrong place at the wrong time, well... she should have known better!
The things this boy's classmates were saying to him go beyond bullying and can easily be classified as hate speech.
“In law, hate speech is any speech, gesture or conduct, writing, or display which is forbidden because it may incite violence or prejudicial action against or by a protected individual or group, or because it disparages or intimidates a protected individual or group. The law may identify a protected individual or a protected group by race, gender, ethnicity, nationality, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity....”*
Hate speech has no place in our schools.
But maybe some folks don't care, because they don't “approve” of homosexuals in the first place. All right. Well, something you have to consider is this: anti-gay bullying is not restricted to gay kids. Straight kids get it too. If a girl is a little too “tomboyish” or a boy is the wrong body type, well, they are often “perceived” as gay, and treated as such. A lot of kids who are actually straight are knocked around, harassed, bullied in person and online, because they are perceived as gay.
And something else to consider is that it isn't simply the kids bullying you that wears you down and makes you turn inward and eventually give up. Sometimes, even more than the actual bullying, it's the teacher who witnesses an act of cruelty and won't meet your eyes. It's the principal who meets with your parents and promises to “keep an eye out” for more problems, but ignores them when it happens. It's the “blame the victim” mentality. It's the idea given to our kids that we don't care enough about their emotional welfare to step in, and they should be strong enough and resourceful enough to just... deal with it.
It would give you an inferiority complex, too. It would make you feel worthless and uncared for, too. And if you were just a kid, with no way to imagine things really, truly, getting better, you might just lose all hope.
Remember, too, that this child's suicide is not an isolated event. More and more gay teens are resorting to suicide. These kids ask for help. It's up to the adults in their lives to provide that help and support by not tolerating hate speech at school. If no one stands up for you, you can't help getting the idea that the straight kids are valued and you aren't. I would think that with the rash of teen suicides lately in this country, people would be more concerned with the rights of the victims of bullying, and not the rights of the bullies themselves.
When did it become a “right” to speak hatefully to other kids, and tell them they should die, anyway?
And one last thing to think about: Allowing bullying to go unnoticed and unpunished promotes hatred. It sends the message to bullies that it's okay to hate gay people. It's acceptable. And what does that lead to? Violence against gay people and people perceived as being gay. Because who cares, right?
*Italics mine, quote from Wikipedia.
